No Longer Who I Was
by Sweet Mouthful
Summary: (POA) Following Remus through his return to Hogwarts. He's forced to face the past and present; meeting Harry, dealing with concerns from the staff, guilt over Sirius and facing what used to be
1. Let's Sit Under The Moon

It was the loneliest day of Remus Lupin's life. He was getting ready to do what he had done at least  
seven other times. He was alone this time. There was no humor as there used to be.  
  
This man had encountered more in his thirty six years than some did in a lifetime. Remus was ready  
to lead a peaceful life, free of poverty and the harshness of the muggle world.  
  
He was ready for change. He needed to go back, face the skeletons in his closet. Face what he  
dreaded facing.   
  
Going back to Hogwarts, appeared to be a profitable idea. At Hogwarts, he would have a warm  
shelter and plentiful amounts of food. Working alongside respected witches and wizards would be a  
bonus. There would be some insecurity surrounding that, however. Remus Lupin, two galleons to his name and not one decent set of robes, the colleague of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster and, in  
his eyes, the most powerful wizard alive. Working alongside Dumbledore? A joke in Remus' mind.  
  
He felt the decision to work at his old school was biased. He had admitted to himself that the main  
reason he accepted Dumbledore's offer to become a staff member was because he would be taken  
care of. He didn't particularly worry about what he'd teach the students, or how he'd do it for that  
matter.   
  
Remus felt guilty about only thinking of himself but those thoughts were comforted by the fact he  
had noone else to care about.   
  
In the present, the handsome yet weathered wizard was sitting on a bench, in the center of King's  
Cross. Muggles gave Remus every kind of look known to man. There were looks of pity, disgust  
and empathy. There were looks of naivete, unconcern and a few smiles were thrown into the mix.  
One overly large woman, with too much purple eyeshadow, asked Remus if he would like a night  
cap. He decided enough was enough. It was time to find Platform 9 3/4. Remus grabbed his beaten  
up briefcase off of the ground and began walking towards his destination.   
  
King's Cross station was filled with the usual. Muggles obviously, and young witches and wizards  
with their owls and trunks. None of their faces did he recognize, from their parents who he may have  
gone to school with. No traces of the Malfoy kid whom he heard looked exactly like Lucius.   
  
The platform was now right before his eyes. A deep breath and Remus hastily walked through the  
brick wall. The whole action of going through the platform and seeing the Hogwarts Express was  
oddly reminiscent. He no longer felt like a soon to be professor but a child. Once again ready to  
explore the mysteries of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
The Express was just as he remembered from some twenty odd years ago. Scarlet, majestic and  
large. Although, it didn't seem as large as it did when he was a meager and scared first year. Scared.  
He noticed not much had changed. He was scared his first day boarding the Express. He was scared  
the first day boarding the Express after having left it for so long.   
  
Walking onto the Express all of the familiar smells of lemon and mold came back into Remus'  
memory. No matter how much cleaning was done to the compartments, there was still a faint odour  
of old mustiness. The first compartment free of students belonged to Remus.   
  
It wasn't common for the teachers to ride with the students but like always, the regime was changed  
to suit the werewolf, who happened to be the newest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He  
should have been settling into his living quarters, greeting and meeting the staff, preparing lesson  
plans, getting reacquainted with the Shrieking Shack... But instead, he had a transformation to deal  
with. It was like a farewell gift, so to speak. Before he left his pathetic house, more like a hovel, he  
had to deal with one more night as a werewolf. It must have been the subconscious anticipation of  
finally leaving that made that transformation so awful. Remus had become accustomed to waking  
up and seeing glass shattered, scratch marks on the doors and walls, and ripped fabric from both his  
bed cover and clothes. That last time, however, the one room dwelling was destroyed. And there was  
blood on the floor. And remains, of what Remus was sure was one of the large rats that frequently  
got in through one of the loosened floor boards. The half eaten rat was on his no longer  
distinguishable bed sheet. And his own dried blood covered his back, along with deeply torn flesh.  
  
Sitting in the nearly vacant compartment, which smelled of memories, the shabby robed, wizard  
began drifting to sleep. It was easy to kip, when you felt warm and at ease. For Remus, this was just  
like his school days, when he'd fall asleep to Sirius and Peter teasing James about how he couldn't  
get the one girl, Lily, whom he frequently obsessed over impressing. Only this time, they were...well,  
they weren't there. It was just him, the only one left.   
  
The rain shooting at the window was dulcet to him. Ironic really, any other time he'd have cursed  
the rain ten ways from Sunday. Any other time, Remus was alone without shelter in the rain. Today,  
it was helping him. Giving him a steady rhythm to sleep by. That rhythm gave Remus a feel of  
security; the rain pattern never changed. This unwavering pattern, he hoped it would carry on in his  
life.  
  
Despite the music of the rain it was hard to remain asleep when your head kept hitting the hard glass  
window, as Remus found out. He sporadically woke up during the trip to Hogwarts. His  
consciousness remained that of a drunken sailor. He would wake up but he was so drowsy that  
everything felt like a dream. Just as soon as he woke up he'd fall asleep once again. Never once  
realizing his old friend's son was sitting no less then three feet away.   
  
No dreams inhabited his sleep. The wearied lad was far to exhausted to even dream. Being a  
werewolf took it's toll on him. In more ways than one.  
  
Something must have been wrong. When Remus awoke for the final time that ride it wasn't because  
of any window. He was being poked and elbowed. There were children's voices yelling and arguing  
and the lights were out. He didn't know what was going on. His first thought was to take control.   
  
"Quiet!" He said in his now hoarse voice. He had to find out what was happening. A fire was made  
in the cup of his hands. "Stay where you are." He directed to the confused students as he crossed the  
compartment.  
  
Reaching out to open the door. A tall cloaked figure appeared. A dementor. The nameless faces were  
all cowering behind the older man. They surely had not encountered one before. A few shrieks here  
and there from some girl made Remus even less at ease with the whole situation. With quick  
thinking he pulled his wand from a sewn pocket and yelled, "None of us are hiding Sirius Black  
under our cloaks. Go!"  
  
Still the dark creature didn't leave. Suddenly, Lupin muttered, "expecto patronum" and the  
unnerving figure, withdrew from the compartments presence. At that moment the lights flickered on.  
Remus looked down to see what he could have sworn to be James on the floor, passed out. And he  
knew that he couldn't turn back now. Even if his heart was telling him to. 


	2. The Restlessness Inside Of Me

No Longer Who I Was  
  
Any opinions or criticisms, feel free to tell me.   
Email me at NotCreativeByFar@msn.com  
  
Chapter 2.  
  
He felt odd and queasy; that came when he had awoken in the Express compartment. It was subsiding considerably, now that he was on one of the carriages pulled by the thestral.  
  
None of the students wanted to get into the carriage with him. He couldn't blame them. He wouldn't have wanted to sit with a strange man, either. Alone he could enjoy the view of the grounds, without the usual uncomfortable stares and silence.  
  
For a man who hadn't smiled in months, Remus was now finding it easy. Memories were flashing through his head with every new view from his carriage. The gates that opened to the castle; himself, Sirius, Peter, and James had wandered around and outside of them thousands of times. The lake, with the squid. James used to threaten to levitate Peter above the squid and drop him on it's head... It was a great feeling, being back in his old school. Remus had to remind himself that it wasn't like when he was a student.  
  
As he stepped out of his carriage, Remus noticed James and Lily's son again. He was with another boy, with sleek white blond hair, and it appeared they were talking but as Remus walked up towards the steps, to go into the castle, he saw it wasn't a friendly affair.   
  
He broke up their school boy squabble, remembering what good it would have done back in his days. A lot of fights wouldn't have taken place had a teacher intervened.  
  
Upon entering the entrance hall, Remus was unexpectedly greeted by Professor McGonagall.   
  
"Lupin, you've arrived!" she said, stating the obvious. She put her hands on her hips and gave him her characteristic stern look.   
  
"Yes, Professor I have," Remus said. "It's great to be back."  
  
"I hope you had a good trip, despite the circumstances with Potter and the Dementors," McGonagall said. "Thank you for sending ahead that owl, I was just going to find Potter and bring him to Poppy. Make sure he's all right."  
  
"He looks fine now. Just a bit shaken," Remus concluded. "Well, I shall be getting upstairs, I suppose."  
  
"Of course. I'll see you there in a while." She moved to go down the steps that led outside then doubled back. "One more thing. You no longer have to call me Professor."  
  
Remus nodded, feeling foolish. He traveled to the Great Hall with recovered remembrance. The excited chatter of students grew louder, so Remus hurried into the Great Hall before they arrived.  
  
The house tables were where they always were and immaculately clean. His eyes took in the staff table: every figre watching him, as he made his way towards them.  
  
It was uncomfortable. Especially knowing, courtesy of Dumbledore, that there were objections from some of the teachers about his being hired. With quiet hesitation, Remus kept his gaze on the Headmaster. He was ten feet in front of him, when Dumbledore spoke.  
  
"Remus!" Dumbledore exclaimed, rising from his chair. "How nice it is to see you again! Do come and sit down, the students are about to come in, I see."   
  
Dumbledore indicated an empty chair that was situated between his former History of Magic professor, Binns, and the Charms professor, Flitwick. And no sooner had he sat down, did the returning students enter and slowly file to their tables.   
  
Binns, gave a curt nod acknowledging Remus and abruptly turned his head to speak with a teacher, next to him that Remus didn't recognize.   
  
"Remus Lupin. I believe I haven't seen you in over twenty years," squeaked Flitwick, from Remus' right, with a pleased look on his face.   
  
"Twenty-two years," Remus stated smiling. "To be exact."  
  
"And if I remember correctly, you were always exact. One of my best students. You and those friends of yours, James and Lily, Peter and Sirius..." He stopped himself.  
  
Silence. Flitwick looked embarrassed.   
  
"Do excuse me, Minerva had other business so I have to conduct the sorting." And with that, Flitwick hopped down from the chair and disappeared through a door, only to return with the stool and sorting hat. He pulled out the parchment with the students names on it, from his robe. He waited only a second before the first years arrived escorted by Professor Sinistra.   
  
And so it began... "Ackron, Judith!"   
  
"Hufflepuff!" the hat shouted.  
  
The sorting was exciting for the first years, but Remus was sure the novelty had ran out for the staff. It had always been difficult for him to get into the process. And now...he wasn't familiar with anyone. During his school years, it was always hard to pay attention with Sirius and James cracking jokes.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Look at that girl!" James said once. "She's almost as fat as Peter."  
  
Peter laughed, but Remus knew he was embarrassed. His tomato red cheeks gave him away. Sirius snickered.  
  
"Ha ha, yeah. Only, we can hope she takes a leaf out of, that fifth years' book, and makes a potion to lose all that lard. Poor porky... Oh no..." Sirius made a disgusted face. 'Porky' was sorted to Gryffindor. "Know what that means, James?"  
  
"Sure do, mate," James responded. In a voice of mock revulsion he said, "We'll have to slick her arse up with Sleekeasy Hair potion to get her through the portrait hole."  
  
Both lost all composure, from laughing. That earned them uneasy glances from fellow students.   
  
"Actually man," Sirius started, beginning to get teary-eyed, "I was gonna suggest that beast, as a new girlfriend prospect for you." James made to hit Sirius in the stomach but Sirius blocked him and said, "What?! Your idea was better, anyway!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Zeaton, Aiden!"  
  
Remus was snapped back to reality. The sorting nearly complete. His memory stored in the back of his mind.   
  
When the last burst of applause ended for the final student, Remus noticed Harry and another girl enter the Great Hall with Professor McGonagall.   
  
Harry did look so much like James. Remus wondered if Harry knew just how similar he was to his father. Uncanny, really. Remus hoped that he wouldn't refer to Harry as James.   
  
Dumbledore began to speak, catching everyone's attention. Remus thought Dumbledore's speech on the dementors was informative. He hadn't been sure why the Headmaster would want dementors near the castle, in the first place. The Ministry of Magic had ordered them there.  
  
'To protect against Sirius. Figures though,' Remus thought. 'The Ministry always meddles where they don't belong.'   
  
Remus didn't believe that even Sirius, knowing what he did thirteen years ago, would dare come to Hogwarts. Unless he was completely off his rocker. Sirius used to say, "Any wizard who tries to screw with Dumbledore deserves to die a fool's death..."   
  
"First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Dumbledore said, catching Remus in another daydream.   
  
There wasn't much applause, unsurprisingly. He didn't exactly look like one of Britain's 'Miss Witch' beauty contest winners. Students probably thought him to be some disoriented homeless man, in the place of the real professor Lupin. But he still managed a small vague smile.   
  
The feast was wonderful. Remus greedily ate from all of the plates surrounding him. He couldn't help flushing when he caught Binns staring at him whilst he ate. The potatoes and ham and other mounds of vegetables and meats showed him just how starved he had been.   
  
Feeling as full as he did in years, Remus was glad when Dumbledore dismissed the students to bed. When the last student exited, Dumbledore stood up to speak to the staff.  
  
"A lovely feast wasn't it?" He asked looking around. The staff muttered replies of 'yes' and 'very lovely indeed.' "One last notice before we retire for the night. Our first staff meeting will be held tomorrow at eight o'clock in the staff room. I expect to see you all there. Goodnight."  
  
"Remus!" Dumbledore's voice called.   
  
"Yes, Headmaster?" Remus asked moving towards the white haired man.  
  
"Did Minerva tell you where you'll be staying, yet?" he asked smiling thoughtfully.   
  
"No, I was just going to ask..."  
  
"Good!" Dumbledore said enthusiastically. "Severus! Come here!"  
  
Snape, who had been talking with Sinistra, reluctantly obeyed. Pure hatred shone on his face; a look that wanted Remus screaming and convulsing in agony, on the floor.  
  
"Remus hasn't been to his rooms and I thought that since yours are just around the corner, you could show him the way."  
  
Snape's eyes closed as he mumbled inaudibly under his breath; cursing Dumbledore for being a meddling old man. His black eyes flicked open seconds later but Snape said nothing.   
  
"I'll take that as a yes! It'll be good for two old classmates to become reacquainted. Hagrid!" Dumbledore spotted the half giant. "Just the one I wanted to see!" And he shuffled away leaving the two men alone.   
  
Snape strode forward, not acknowledging Remus, until he realized Remus wasn't following. "Well," Snape snapped, suddenly wheeling around. "Are you coming or have you decided to spend your night in the forest with the rest of your kind, werewolf?"   
  
"No, I was thinking of trying something new. Sleeping in a bed, you know?" Remus said sarcastically, then added, "As opposed to a coffin like you do, vampire."  
  
Snape's pale face twitched, with anger.  
  
"What did you say to me?" Snape asked, advancing closer. His voice maliciously low.   
  
"It's getting late, is it not? I believe," Dumbledore interrupted, walking back over to them. "I asked you to show Remus his room, Severus."  
  
The remaining staff, McGonagall, Hagrid, Hooch and Binns, were all pretending not to watch, but they had made a point to discontinue conversation as to listen to the three men.   
  
"Just having a little chat, Headmaster," Snape said, looking at the floor. Remus suppressed a small smile, at Snape using the word *chat*.   
  
"Goodnight then. Remus. Severus." He nodded to both of them and Snape took it as his cue to leave, with Remus following close behind.   
  
Snape led Remus back down to the entrance hall ,where they crossed it to go down a set of barely visible steps. The steps winded and as soon as they reached the bottom, a sickening smell of decay hit Remus' nose. The stench made him cough as an effect. Snape, obviously used to it, kept advancing down the poorly lit hallway. Remus assumed this was some back way to the main dungeons. He'd never been here.  
  
Snape stopped outside a dingy, scratched door, which Remus hoped wasn't his room.   
  
"This is your room,"Snape confirmed. "Nothing but the best for *you* I see," he said, sarcasticly. "I'd advise you to ward the room. Students have a habit of wandering into unknown corridors and rooms. Sleep tight werewolf." Snape added viciously.   
  
"And you also," Remus responded bowing slightly. "I can only hope my bed is as comfortable as your coffin."  
  
With Snape livid, Remus hurried inside the door and bolted it shut with a quick wave of his wand. When he turned around to inspect the room, he was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't what he expected from the outside appearance of the hallway.   
  
A fire was slowly fading, casting a warming glow around the room. Torches aligned the wall, and Remus noticed his briefcase had been placed on a small table that was surrounded by three cushiony arm chairs. He walked over and ran his fingers along the chairs, feeling the velvet material slide under his touch. Remus spotted a closed door and opened it to discover his sleeping quarters. A large wrought iron bed sat in the far corner and there was an enchanted window next to it, which took on an exotic view of nighttime in some place where it was heavily snowing.   
  
On his bedside table laid a medium sized wrapped package, in golden paper. His name written on a red ribbon, that tied the package together. Remus tugged on the ribbon and the paper disappeared to reveal a tacky looking statue; it was of a young looking wizard holding a frothy mug with an obnoxious toothy smile on his face. Remus set the statue down. To his surprise, the statue began to move. It stumbled and swayed around the small square tables' surface. Drops of his drink spilled out of the mug.  
  
Remus noticed a piece of paper stuck to the statue's back and plucked it off; inadvertently causing the statue to fall to the ground and lay, passed out.   
  
Ignoring this Remus read the note;   
  
~Welcome back! Hope you enjoy your rooms and this little statue! It's a pleasure to have you on staff.  
  
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster  
Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress~  
  
Remus couldn't help but smile. It was definitely a gift Albus would give.   
  
He picked up the figure from the floor, cupped it in his hands, and watched it stir in it's groggy state before coming to. It took a sip from it's mug and hopped back onto the table.   
  
Remus decided to get to bed. He took off and carelessly threw his old robe to the floor. Stripping to his underwear, Remus peeled back the covers. Unconsciously rewinding the day in his mind. He began to fall asleep feeling repentant about his comments to Snape. The minute he noticed his former classmate at the staff table, Remus hoped they could be civil and act as adults. Of course he found it hard to be civil when Snape called him 'werewolf.' What better way to retaliate than call him a vampire? After all, everyone always suspected him to be one.   
  
"Especially Sirius..." came his voice out of the darkness.  
  
"Sirius? That murderer? Sirius Black?"   
  
Figured. Dumbledore not only gave him a drunken statue. But it kept up on the news, as well.   
  
~*~  
  
Thanks to IceWing, for the Beta work.  
  
If the story feels too slow paced for any of you, please tell me, because I can't seem to decide whether it is or isn't.  
  
Peace and stay positive. 


	3. Remaining on this Earth

No Longer Who I Was  
  
Any opinions or criticisms, feel free to tell me.   
Email me at NotCreativeByFar@msn.com  
  
Chapter 3.  
  
Remus awoke in the early morning by the burning, violently bright Sun, flooding his room. Courtesy of the magical window. When his eyes were shut the light penetrated his eyelids.  
  
Remus made to get out of the room but fell over a rug. Exclaiming a few obscenities, Remus got to his knees and stretched his arms out like a blind man, trying to find the bedside table that held his wand. Remus put one hand over his eyes, to block some of the light.  
  
His free hand glided slowly around the table, until it came to a small, clothed thing. A drowsy burst of giggles suddenly erupted. Remus remembered the statue.  
  
"Where's my wand!?" Remus asked, feeling ridiculous. "In case you haven't noticed we're feet away from burning to death."  
  
"Huh?" asked the statue. "Duh, mate, Imma statue! Me can' go blind! Hones'ly!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
"And the rest of the morning I had to listen to the blasted thing gloat at how he thinks he, 'saved me life.' He did only drag over my wand." Remus told McGonagall on their way to lunch.   
  
"I told Albus we should have given out a less, *obtrusive* welcoming gift."  
  
"The gift isn't the problem, Professor, it's the window. And the intensity of the light that was coming into the room..."   
  
"Yes, it's the house elves who enchant the windows. They cannot be removed. However, I will see to it that the scenery is changed to an appropriate morning location. Although," McGonagall stopped in front of the Great Halls' door, looking Remus over. "You look as though you've come back from a day at the beach, with that sun burn. You look healthier, Remus."  
  
"I, er, thank you, Professor." Remus said, blushing.  
  
"Do stop the Professor bit. You're making me feel a trifle old. Minerva, will do just fine."  
  
"Of course, Minerva."   
  
~*~*~  
All teacher's had a full day of classes, except Remus. Poppy Pomphrey requested Remus have no classes his first day, as not to tire him too much. Remus was taken aback, but not insulted. He didn't blame Poppy for her concern, nor her ignorance, of him. His students were sure not to mind; they had an extra hour of free time.  
  
The second day of school, he began teaching classes (and his window was fixed) It was refreshing to get into the swing of things. The day had progressed rather well, Remus thought, as he made his way to the faculty room...  
  
"Good news!" Dumbledore exclaimed, popping out from behind.  
  
"You don't say," said Remus smiling as he ceased walking. Albus caught up and threw a fatherly arm around the younger wizards shoulder.   
  
"I do say. In fact I would like to talk to you and Severus in my office after the meeting."   
  
"Oh," Remus' face fell. "Good news and Snape in the same sentence? It couldn't possibly be all that good news, then."  
  
Albus laughed. "Trust me, it's quite excellent news." And they parted at the door, with Dumbledore being whisked away by Professor Sprout.  
  
The entire faculty arrived before eight o'clock; engaged in somber speech, worn out from an exasperating day.  
  
Remus sat down and listened to Hooch talk about Slytherin fifth years.  
  
"Nasty, cruel children if I ever saw them," Hooch said.  
  
Professor Sprout entered the door, held open by Albus, and all speech ceased.   
  
"Good to see everyone here," Dumbledore beamed looking around, and holding eye contact with Snape, as he said, "and in happy spirits."   
  
"You're all aware of the press, we're getting a lot of press in the Daily Prophet and The Quibbler," Dumbledore frowned. "Sirius Black won't be caught soon, I'm sure."  
  
Binns looked skeptically at Remus, while Snape still glared.  
  
Dumbledore continued, hesitatingly, "Since there are Dementors, on the grounds, we have to alert. Students out after hours, wandering around, and causing trouble, should be punished, accordingly. Black is after Harry Potter, so he should be treated," Albus stopped, searching for a word, "somewhat differently. Af-"  
  
"Why does Potter, once more, get privileges above the other students? There isn't proof Black is out to kill him. You are only inflating his ego," Snape stated indignantly.   
  
Dumbledore sighed. "You are right, Severus. There isn't proof. But as long as the Ministry is involved, precautions need, to be taken. Precautions that weren't taken last year, or the year before. I'm not favoring Harry, Severus," who looked as though he begged to disagree, "but I do not think I am alone when I say that Harry is different, from the other students."  
  
"Of course he is!" McGonagall stood up. "I haven't seen a boy as foolish and naive, since Black, himself, *and* James Potter were in the school. Of course Harry needs to be dealt with carefully. He doesn't listen to warnings. He runs towards danger. That," said McGonagall slamming her hand on the table, "is why he needs special treatment. And I don't think we should be questioning Albus' motives." She gave Snape a pointed look.  
  
There was a silence, that hung like a thick comforter, over the faculty room. McGonagall took her seat, Dumbledore contemplated the fireplace. Remus wanted to say something but he didn't know what.. He felt obligated, in a sense. The topic of discussion was about his old friend, and best friend's son. Remus wondered if he wanted to say something to feel close to his old life. To feel involved. It stung, to know, he no longer had any business with any of the people he had once revolved his life around.   
  
"I believe," the Headmaster began, "we have other matters to touch upon." He closed the discussion. "Professor Sprout, you would like to announce the state of the new green houses?"   
  
The meeting carried out with no further debate about the Harry Potter, Sirius Black issue. The staff's faces were expressionless, and bored.  
  
"I do have one last thing to add, Headmaster," said Sinistra, before Dumbledore dismissed them. "The new window scene, in my room...It damn near blinded me, this morning."   
  
Remus hadn't noticed, but Sinistra was just as burned, as he still was. He smiled outwardly, finding humor in a humorless evening.   
  
Remus was looking forward to going back to his rooms, when the meeting closed. Upon seeing Snape exit with Dumbledore, Remus remembered, the "good news." He groaned.  
  
McGonagall called to him.   
  
"Yes, Minerva?"  
  
"A letter, arrived for you this evening." She handed him a blue envelope, with his name written atop it, in neat cursive. She smiled knowingly. "Unexpected, but I'm sure not entirely unwelcome.   
  
"Thank you," he said, perplexed, at her words, examining the envelope. Walking to the Headmaster's office, Remus looked closer at the letter; the writing familiar. Tight cursive, thin loops. He realized it was from her. Hastily, he tore through the envelope.   
  
Remus' face was taught with apprehension. He stopped in his tracks.   
  
~~Remus  
  
It has been so long since I have seen your face. It has been too long...  
  
I learned from Kingsley, that you were given the Defense Against the Dark Arts post. Congratulations. I recall a time when you said you never wanted to teach...  
  
This is coming out of nowhere...I was hoping you would join me for a drink or two at the Tawny Tavern, in Hogsmeade. How does next Saturday sound? Let me know. It would mean so much to see you again...   
  
Sincerely yours,   
  
Emmeline~~  
  
Remus froze, as he stared at the letter. She wanted to see him, now? He couldn't face her. He had to get to Dumbledore's office.   
  
"Butterbeer," he told the gargoyle, and distractedly went up the stairs to his destination.   
  
Remus gave a soft knock on the door. A rustling of wings could be heard beyond it.   
  
"Come in Remus," called Dumbledore, from the room, he had not seen since seventh year.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
All of them were seated in front of the Headmaster's desk. Heads bowed. Faces stoic.   
  
"Mr. Black. Mr. Potter. Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, tiredly. "What do I owe the pleasure?"   
  
"Let me say one thing, Headmaster, before you scold us," Sirius began. "I'm honored, that someone of your power and wisdom, and astonishing good looks," he smiled, charmingly, "would take the time to speak to a few misguided youth. I can't tell you how many teachers would simply give us a detention and dismiss us." Sirius looking for a prop, picked up a long stemmed dried flower. It became his pointer. "Faculty nowadays, don't give a rat's bum about us, or our problems!" He jabbed the weed violently through the air. "No one wants to hear our problems!" And again; seeds flew out. "So when you punish us, which, let's face it fellas, is the inevitable, " he suddenly grew weary, "consider, that we are crying out for attention, and should be..."  
  
Dumbledore was watching the young boy closely. Sirius was out of words. "Yes? Don't tell me you can't conclude your speech?"  
  
"Sir. I'm too emotionally drained to continue," Sirius said, feigning illness.   
  
"Well," said Dumbledore, rising so that he could lean over the desk. "What are we going to do with you four? Less than a month of school, in your Hogwarts careers and you chance getting expelled? Yes, Mr. Lupin, I do mean expelled. For real, this time."   
  
Remus was nauseated. Peter scared witless. James and Sirius composed.  
  
"However, after hearing Mr. Black's convincing argument, I intend on letting you finish your schooling. But seeing as how you are all such troubled youth, perhaps, a few sessions talking out your problems with the school psychologist, would do you some good." The Marauders tried to suppress their grins. "And, a few detentions cleaning the bathrooms, by hand, would help also."  
  
"What? That's foul!" protested James.   
  
"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Mr. Potter. Perhaps you'll discover a hidden career path in being a domestic."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snape was seated in a light blue arm chair. Dumbledore in a chintz chair, behind his desk. Remus glanced at the Phoenix, Fawkes who was eyeing him. Remus, remembering what he was here for, looked to Dumbledore.   
  
"Sit down. Right next to Severus," who was ignoring him.   
  
"As I said to you earlier, we have some good news!"  
  
"We?" he asked.  
  
"Indeed, more Severus' good news than my own."   
  
"I'm afraid I don't understand."  
  
"Myself and Severus were talking one evening. About this and that, when Wolfsbane, became the subject of our conversation," he paused and looked at Remus.  
  
"Wolfsbane? The cure for lycanthropy?"  
  
"It's not a cure, Lupin," Snape spat. "He doesn't even know what it is and he's the werewolf!"   
  
"Enough, Severus."  
  
"Wolfsbane, isn't a cure for Lycanthropy, it simply stops the effects of it, on the brain," he told Remus.  
  
"Is Wolfsbane terribly, advanced? Maybe I could-" Remus was cut off.  
  
"You can't brew it. It takes far more skill and intelligence than you are capable," Snape said impatiently. "If it's going to be done, then I will do it."  
  
"Alright. It's agreed. Severus you will brew the Wolfsbane for Remus," Dumbledore declared.  
  
It was remarkable, the gift Snape had for taking the excitement out of something. Remus should have been skipping down the hallways. Wolfsbane meant no longer feeling out of control. No longer being what he hated for so many years. He would at least, only be half of what he hated.  
  
When in his room, Remus took off his robes. The letter fell out. The ordeal with Snape had made him forget about Emmeline's letter. He had stuffed it into his pocket all too eagerly, upon entering Dumbledore's office. He read it once more.   
  
~~It has been so long...Too long...It would mean so much...~~  
  
It was hard to swallow. He had experienced everything with her. Loved her, taken care of her, adored her. She left him, giving, vague reasons. She had muttered this and that. The day she left, he said he understood. After she was gone, he couldn't' escape the feel of nausea he had. And she wanted to see him again; fourteen years later.   
  
He knew what he wanted; to never lay his eyes, upon her green ones, again. Like hell he was going to meet her at the Tawny tavern.   
  
Remus flung the letter into the fire, and enjoyed the blue flames, as the letter morphed into ashes.   
  
~*~ 


End file.
